Education. My Reason. Trying.
Sometimes I wonder why I became an educator. With the politics outside and sometimes inside the classroom, I wonder if I will still continue teaching. In this day in age, both teacher and student wonder if their school will be the next target of an unfortunate school shooting. I wonder if I made the right choice in becoming a teacher.
I discovered my passion for teaching after my first year in college. I was a chemistry major then. As the year progressed, it dawned on me the hard difficult task of keeping up with all the math and science classes.
Math and Science were difficult classes for me as a student.
At the time, I wanted to be a forensic investigator. As I looked into graduate schools, with a focus in Forensic investigation, I began to loose confidence in my own abilities. I didn't think I could do it because I knew I didn't have strong math or science skills.
It was then when I had the thought 'What if I became a teacher?'
What if I engaged and helped children? Needless to say that a few ladies within my church were very excited when I shared this discovery. I soon began asking my university about the education program and what classes I needed to take in order to enter into the education world. I soon began focusing on how I could teach and influence those far younger than me.
Of course this journey brought me to realize my passion for art and its influence on the wounded and hurting. I never knew that the year I spent working in a youth-treatment care facility would prepare me to show compassion and God's love on kids who most deserved it. These were the kids who experienced levels of trauma that you would only hear on television or see in some cinematic film. I worked with children who had chilling nightmares and wondered if they would ever see their families again. Sadly, there were a few who will possibly never see their families. These were the kids who, from the public eye, deserved to be thrown in jail. I was treating them.
But these were the kids who needed to be shown love the most.
Social work, especially in treatment care facilities like the one I was a part of, has the highest employee turn around rate. Almost every month, four to six workers would be hired in order to fill the places that were previously vacated. You were considered a veteran worker if you stayed on for three months. That tells you the kind of working conditions I endured everyday. For the year that I worked at this treatment care facility, I came home with bruises and bite marks on my arms. My brother and husband, then boyfriend, often shared with me how upset they were upon seeing these visible marks.
You need to understand that the clients that I treated did not have proper mechanisms to process strong emotions due to their traumatic pasts. My clients did not understand that it wasn't normal to not hit or strike someone if they received bad news or got told no. An infant throws a tantrum and cries when they are not allowed a toy. Despite my clients be teenagers, they had to learn how to cope and process. These teens were having to relearn everything.
When I transitioned into graduate school and eventually into a classroom to start my student teaching. I found myself naturally gravitating to the kids that had the labels of 'broken,' 'misbehaved,' 'problem child,' or 'behavioral issued.' Their issues didn't bother me because at that point, I knew they wanted someone to simply listen to them and not judge them.
They wanted someone to listen.
I started teaching because I wanted to show someone that I care. That an adult can actually listen and give them an honest response. I started teaching because I want students to discover something about themselves. That in my art room, you don't have to be artistically trained or be considered 'good' in order to discover something about yourself. I want my students to understand the process and realize that it's okay to fail but not give up. I want my students to realize that its okay to feel uncomfortable when trying something new and to keep practicing.
I sometimes have to remind myself why I decided to become a teacher. Its especially hard to be reminded of that reason after dealing with upset parents or frustrated students. When the list of things to do gets especially longer and makes me wonder if I found my calling or picked the right profession.
I am reminded of one of my first students, Isaiah. He was a freshmen and considered a 'problem child' who often cussed out a teacher and acted out to get his way. He was the student with shaggy hair, a backwards cap, loved skateboarding, and had an attitude. But I was one of the few teachers he tolerated after I called him out on his shit. He was a talented artist who had a keen eye for detail. He happened to walk into my room and made the comment, "Grades don't matter."
If grades don't matter, then what does?
What about having an honest conversations with the person who happens to be a teacher? What about discovering what makes you tick as a human being?
I teach because I want to converse with my students and help them discover who they are as a person and how they should approach this difficult world. I left my campus today feeling run down, dejected, and emotionally/spiritually wrestling with many things. Journaling and writing is a way how I process and engage with what I am experiencing.
I will be coming into my fourth year of teaching after this school year. I will be considered a veteran teacher next year and no longer an emergent teacher. In the education world, an emergent teacher is someone who has been teaching between three to five years. I will no longer be a novice teacher.
My first group of freshmen will be graduating this year and it amazes me that my unruly group of 9th graders are already looking into professions and going off into college. But I have so much more to look to in the coming years. I have underclassmen who think of my classroom as home and a safe place to simply be. That Swanson will understand and not judge if I just chill in the art room for a little bit.
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I write this and consider on what has transpired in the last four years and what is to come in the coming four years.
Have I made the right choice in becoming a teacher?